


3 times dean said it first and one time he didn’t have to

by cascountsdeansfreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, JUST FLUFF REALLY, M/M, Soft Boys, another quick one, castiel sees deans soul, first i love you’s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascountsdeansfreckles/pseuds/cascountsdeansfreckles
Summary: Dean laughs wholeheartedly, which in turn makes Castiel chuckle, which melts the hunters heart to the floor. He gets so lost in the shining blue eyes and tanned skin that he forgets himself long enough to let it slip. The one thing he has ever kept hidden from Cas, the only thing he has ever felt afraid to reveal.“I love you.” The words hang heavy in the air and it only takes Dean seconds to realize what he’s done.





	1. the first

**Author's Note:**

> hey no notes except that i’m sorry for this tooth rotting fluff also angels sleep in this universe get over it 🤪

The first time he says it, it’s an accident. They are lounging in the Deancave, waiting for Sam to return from a grocery run. Dean sits with his feet up on the table--because it’s his damn cave, Sammy, and he can do as he damn well pleases--and Castiel’s head in his lap, running his fingers delicately through the dark strands of hair. Dean is asking Cas questions about being an angel in a human vessel and each answer is calculated carefully and given with a patient response.  
“Will your hair go gray?” This one seems to stump the angel for a long time, Dean sees him frown slightly in concentration.  
“I am not sure that an angel has ever occupied a vessel for long enough to find out,” he begins finally, “but I can promise you that if I have to hear one more rant about ‘vampirates’ or fairy nipples we will have our answer soon enough.” Dean laughs wholeheartedly, which in turn makes Castiel chuckle, which melts the hunters heart to the floor. He gets so lost in the shining blue eyes and tanned skin that he forgets himself long enough to let it slip. The one thing he has ever kept hidden from Cas, the only thing he has ever felt afraid to reveal.  
“I love you.” The words hang heavy in the air and it only takes Dean seconds to realize what he’s done. His fingers stop their ministrations, frozen like the rest of him. The only romantic partner he has ever had that he confessed his love for was Lisa, and he almost ruined her whole damn life. Part of him reasons that he has already ruined much of Castiel’s most recent years with his self-sacrificing and general death wish type attitude, but he shuts this up quickly. “Cas?” His voice is weak, as though he expects the angel to leap into the air and disappear from his life in one flap of those giant wings.  
Cas does pull his head from Dean’s lap, but it is only to turn and look him in the eye. He seems to be searching Dean’s face for something, and Dean hopes desperately that he finds it there. The silence surrounds them for long moments that seem to pass without the restriction of time, for all that either of them know hours or only seconds could pass. Eventually Dean finds it in himself to speak again, mustering all of the willpower he has to clear his throat and try again, but Cas presses a finger to his lips. Dean’s mouth parts slightly in confusion, tension clear in every muscle.  
“I love you too, Dean Winchester.” The angel says blankly, as though he is stating a fact--the sky is blue, pie is better than cake, Skechers really aren’t that bad--not confessing a life altering truth.  
“Son of a bitch, Cas!” Dean huffs out an exasperated laugh, now it’s Castiel’s turn to look confused. This was definitely not the reaction he was expecting. “I tell you I love you and you leave me hanging for God knows how long, just to say you love me too? You scared me half to death-”  
“I was admiring your soul.”  
“... you stared at me for--what?”  
“I was admiring your soul. You see, it glows differently in times like this, and when you spoke it sparked brighter than I’ve seen it in a long time. I am sorry that I caused you distressed, but I could not refrain myself from-” He pauses, his mouth quirking up at the sides. He seems to forget himself for a moment, eyes bearing into Dean’s again. “Huh, there you go again.”  
“Dude, stop. That’s so weird.” The blush deep on Dean’s cheeks contradicts his words with traitorous clarity.  
“Hm. Sorry,” Cas leans forward for a quick kiss before he lays back down with his head back in his lap. Dean resumes playing with his hair, smiling when Cas falls into a gentle slumber, little snores interrupting their bubble of peace every few seconds.


	2. The Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is an idiot who has no respect for his own wellbeing and Cas loves him enough to be pissed off about this. Arguments and another "i love you" are imminent. Sammy is grumpy and tired, but hey at least he is in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a lot longer than the last one sorry guys I got carried away.

The second time he says it, they are pissed off. He is pacing back and forth in their room, running his fingers through his hair over and over again. Cas is leaning against the door with his jaw set and his arms crossed, glaring at the floor.  
“I don’t need this holier-than-thou bullshit from you, Cas.” Dean spits after about a miles worth of walking back and forth on his rug, turning on his boyfriend and pointing at his chest accusingly. “You are the one who stabbed Billie, said yes to Lucifer, and broke your own damn mind to fix Sam’s soul. You don’t get to talk to me about taking care of myself, about being safe on hunts. I can take care of myself just fine, I’ve been doing it since mom died!” Cas’ mouth falls open in disbelief and he pushes himself off the wall so he is standing straight up.  
“Are you kidding me? I did all of those things to save you or Sam! You had no good reason to almost get yourself killed today. This wasn’t some righteous, self-sacrificing act for the greater good. This is about the hundredth time that you’ve shown a blatant disregard for you own life in the last couple months.” Dean opens his mouth but closes it when he cannot find a good response. “This isn’t just about you, Dean. Sam needs you. We need you!” Dean’s lips part slightly and he shakes his head softly in a warning. Cas, of course, doesn’t heed this, and pushes forward. “I need you.”  
“Don’t pull that on me.” Dean’s voice shakes, taking the power out of his words. “You know that’s not fair, turning my own words on me. I did need you, I needed you to stop beating the everloving shit out of me and drop the angel blade.” Something shifts in the angel’s face as he listens.  
“You...did need me. I see.” All the fight is gone from his voice. Dean’s eyes both soften and widen when he realizes what he said.  
“Cas, wait, come on--”  
“It’s okay. I think I’ll sleep in my room tonight.” He nods to himself, silenting confirming that this is a good idea. “Yeah, I’m sleeping in my room tonight.” He turns without giving Dean a glance and rushes out the door.  
Deans belated “baby wait!” is met with a slamming door from down the hall. Shit. He’s really done it now. Half of him wants to drink it off and put on some Zeppelin until he passes out, but he knows that this isn’t going to blow over. With a dramatic sigh, Dean makes his way to Castiel’s usually vacant bedroom. After at least thirty seconds of telling himself to grow a pair he musters the courage to raise his fist and knock on the door.  
“Go away, Dean.” Cas snaps instantly, and Dean grimaces when he realizes that Cas had known he was there the whole time. He slumps down the hallway to Sam’s room and barges his way in without knocking.  
“Hey, bitch, wake up.” Dean grabs the spare pillow on his bed and whacks him with it with one hand, the other ready to protect himself from when the moose wakes up. He comes up swinging, one arm reaching out to grab him and the other pulling a handgun out from under his remaining pillow. “Knock it off, Chuck Norris, it’s just me.”  
“Dean? What the hell man?” Sam, in his half awake state of confusion, sounds young again and for a second Dean is distracted by just how grown up he is. “Is everyone okay? Where’s Jack? Cas?” Dean’s mind falls back to the situation at hand with a sickening crash.  
“Cas is pissed at me because I was an asshole,” Sam snorts a derisive ‘what’s new’ and Dean socks him in the arm. “I just need you to go to his room and knock on his door, announce that it’s you, and then come back to bed.” Sam blinks a few times and shakes his head, running his hands through his hair to tame it, still waking up.   
“He’s in his old room? You really must’ve fu--”  
“Shut it, Sammy. Get your fatass out of bed and help me.” Dean ducks a swing and rushes back down the hall. He hears Sam padding after him, damn freak wore his socks to bed, and comes to a stop across from the door. He gestures at it patiently, watching Sam half sleepwalk up to the door and knock.  
“Dean, get out of here. I swear--”  
“Cas it’s Sam. Can you let me in please?” Sam calls softly. Dean smiles, all self-congratulatory when he hears the springs of the bed squeak and the door swings open. He shoulders his way in, pushing past Cas and sitting on his bed.  
“Traitor,” Cas hisses at Sam, who nods offhandedly and shuffles back down the hallway, muttering about insomniac freaks. He closes the door with a sharp click and seems to gather his emotions before turning to face the hunter. “What do you want?”  
“I want you to talk to me, Castiel. I want you to fight with me, I need you to fight with me.” Dean stops, letting the words hang in the air, a master of taking Cas’ heart apart.  
“You want me to fight with you? Fine. You’re an idiot. You’re an asshole. You can’t just turn around and pretend that you didn’t say what you said.” Cas almost says these things to convince himself, to stop himself from melting into Dean’s big, green, apologetic eyes and letting him get away with what he said. “You know, when Confucius was first developing his philosophy--” He stops himself short, biting his lip when Dean nods eagerly at his words.  
“I know, Cas, you told me all about all this stuff. And I listened because I love it when you tell me about the early years, when we were stupid as hell--I guess I still fit into that category sometimes--and you just had to watch us stumble around. I love it when we lay in our own room and you talk about this stuff. I love when you let me wake you up at three in the morning and drag you into the kitchen.” He’s working himself up, without slowing down he stands and walks towards Cas, who is watching him talk reluctantly. “I love it when you let me cook for you, even though you can’t even taste it. I love it when you dance with me after we’re done eating and the way you close your eyes when you really get into it. But nothing beats the way that you look when you are absolutely losing yourself above me--”  
“Dean.” Cas warns, shaking his head minutely. They have been moving backwards slowly, everytime Dean takes two steps Cas takes one.  
“And I love when you are just waking up and you scrunch your nose like the light of the day is annoying you. I just love you, Cas, okay?” Dean finishes, and now Cas is pressed up against the wall and Dean’s arms are placed on either side of him. “Damn, that doesn’t get any less scary to admit.”  
“I love you too.” Cas allows, reaching up with one hand and cupping Dean’s face. “But I hate you so much right now. For scaring me like that, and for trying to get yourself killed, and for being a dick. So step back,” Dean obliges immediately, “and let’s just go to bed. It’s late, I’m exhausted, we have to get up early and wrap up the loose ends of the case.” Dean nods slowly, pulling the door open without looking away from Cas and grabbing his hand to make sure he follows.  
Even as he is falling asleep with Dean’s breath tickling the back of his neck something nags at the back of his mind. They still haven’t really talked about Dean’s dumbassery. He rolls over slowly, trying not to wake Dean, and touches his face lightly. This man will be the death of him.


End file.
